Thor's Hammer

Excuse the poor photography for the first few pics, the lighting was bad. Anyways, start with 6-8 garlic cloves thinly shaved; you can use a knife, or an evil mandolin, I prefer the knife.

Then chop up 8 pieces of thick cut double smoked bacon.

Slice one large Spanish onion. To achieve this effect cut both ends off the onion and slice thinly against the grain of the onion, this style of cutting works well for sauteing.

While you are prepping the things described above, if you have any sense of multi-tasking at all you should have started water boiling for the potatoes, if not, you are a fool and I say good day sir! So you should have boiling water by now and should add the potatoes to it.

While the potatoes are boiling, fry the chopped bacon in a saute pan until it is cooked.

After frying the bacon use a tempered spoon to remove the bacon from the pan and place them on a plate lined with paper towels to soak up the excess oil; you have just created "lardons," real bacon bits. Do not discard the bacon fat, just leave it in the pan because you will use it later.

Once the lardons are finished, julienne the hard chorizo, not the nasty stuff in a tube, that's the Mexican stuff. Not to say that Mexican chorizo is bad, but you don't want that for this dish, you want the Spanish hard chorizo.

Now you can take a breather for a few minutes. Go and look at your friends and judge them intensely for not understanding how much work this is, and all the while concealing your contempt for them with a smile realizing that you will be destroying them with your magnificent creation.

Then go look at the cat. Insidious beast.

After looking at the cat, you should have been boiling water with so much salt in it that the sea looks like fresh water. When that comes to a boil, drop the asparagus in it for a short time until it turns bright green, this is blanching. Then when it is bright green you take it out quickly before it turns tank green and drop it in an ice bath to shock it, thus the phrase, "blanching and shocking."

Your potatoes should be done now; drain them.

Put on some good jazz for the piece de resistance, the final battle between you and the food that will win you the glory of your friends' admiration forever.

Or some Beethoven.

And it begins.

Mash the potatoes.

Yum.

Once they are mashed melt 1 and 1/2 sticks of butter in heavy whipping cream.

Add 2 tablespoons of salt to the potatoes and then add the cream and butter to the potatoes little by little until it is ALMOST the consistency you want.

Then add a healthy dose of sour cream

Mix the crap out of it.

They are ready.

Take your 24 scallops (6 per person), not the little ones, the big ones and put them in a mixing bowl with a splash of extra virgin olive oil (make sure you check each scallop for a foot and peel it off; this is literally the foot of the scallop that attaches it to things and you don't want to eat it.

Add salt and pepper.

Mix them with your hand, and let them sit for a bit, you've got things to do.

Remember the bacon fat? Heat it up and add that garlic to it and let it begin to turn golden brown.

Add the onions.

Add a pinch of salt and pepper.

Now, add the Spanish Smoked Paprika, about a tablespoon. No other Paprika will do, it has to be Spanish, and it has to be smoked, otherwise it sucks.

Add the chorizo.

Toss.

Add the lardons.

Toss some more, then when it is all cooked up, put it on a plate so you can sear the scallops.

In the cleaned pan that is smokin' hot, add the scallops.

This is the color you want, but you are SEARING them, not cooking them all the way through. When they look like this they are ready and should be removed from the pan. If you you cook them all the way you have failed, the scallops will be rubbery, and you do not deserve to cook for anyone.